I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
