hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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