She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
