There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
