batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
