I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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