May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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