I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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