the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
