sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
