Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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