no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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