i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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