Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
