Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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