It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
