Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
