So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
