Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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