Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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