Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He passed out mid-signature
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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