man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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