508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
