Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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