That's when you crack a 10am beer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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