Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
