and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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