Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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