Ambien. No doubt about it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My feet surprised me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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