I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
