...so i touched it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
