i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
