this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
