I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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