Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
