So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
