his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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