Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
