I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have already put on my inside pants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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