you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
