I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
