Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
