They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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