xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
