pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
