I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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