I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
