I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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