I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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