Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the raccoons are back...
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