the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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