It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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