is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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