Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
