Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
