all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
