Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
