So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think people are normalizing furries
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
