i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
