bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
