The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
