you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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