Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
