I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
