Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
