yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
