I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to calm my uterus...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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