Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
