My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
