I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
